My blog, in a way, has become a place to record the things we are dealing with, at least on the surface. There is a depth to starting a family that no one really tells you about. There are many fears, uncertainties and things to figure out, so many that quite honestly I am not sure I could publicly share, but the biggest thing is realizing that we are not just starting a family but God is entrusting us with souls. The responsibility of this weighs on my heart heavily and has caused me to reevaluate what I believe and how much I believe it. I know that if my faith is not firmly established I cannot expect my child to carry on the torch of his Apostolic heritage and form his own personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Or if he does, the torch won't be passed on from his parents. That is a sobering thought.
Dustin and I are Christians but we consider ourselves Apostolic. What we believe is based on the Apostle's doctrine which was preached, taught, experienced and lived by the apostles as read in the book of Acts. We both grew up in homes where our parent's instilled this in us; we attended many Sunday school classes, church services, youth rallies and events that confirmed these teachings. But most importantly our faith is backed up by our own personal experiences. I will never forget the morning I received the gift of the Holy Ghost. As a nine year old I remember calling on the name of Jesus and becoming so lost in His presence that I forgot where I was and was focused only on worshipping Him. I remember realizing later that service had ended and I was the only one left with the exception of my parents and Sunday school teacher who were right there praying with me. And I remember being baptized in the precious name of Jesus and feeling so good. I remember thinking with my childlike mind, that if I felt this good I wonder how really bad people felt! You cannot replace or excuse those moments where God steps in such an awesome way, where you realize you are saved by His grace. It amazes me that even though I was a child who many would overlook, God saw me as His child and filled me with His spirit and cleansed me from my sins. He saw something in me and I don't want to let Him down.
It is so important to me that the torch which carries the Apostolic flame, sent down from heaven on the day of Pentecost years ago, continues, especially through my children. This flame is based on the revelation of knowing who Jesus is. That "the Lord our God is one" (Duet. 6:4), that "He is Lord and besides Him these is no saviour" (Isaiah 43:11), and that His name is Jesus. It is based upon the plan of salvation that Peter had the opportunity to share in Acts 2:38, to "repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost." And it is based on separation from this world, in our speech, our attitude, our dress/appearance "because it is written, be ye holy for I am holy." (I Peter 1:16). These are Biblical doctrines meant to be believed, clung to, lived by and passed on. These are Biblical doctrines that have been revealed to me, I have experienced and have saved and kept me. It is my constant prayer and my greatest desire that by the grace of God, these truths will be passed on to my children. And I know He will help me, for "this promise is unto you (me), your (my) children and to all that are afar off" (Acts 2:39).
"But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus."
II Timothy 3:14-15 (NKJV)
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